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Make Friends With Yourself

Would you indulge me for a minute? Take a sip of your coffee and sit back in your chair and close your eyes. For just a moment, think about your relationship with someone very close to you? Maybe it's a sister, a spouse, or a friend. Now, as you're thinking about your relationship with her/him, think about all the characteristics or attributes that describe your relationship.

I came up with unconditional love, kindness, compassion, supportive, selfless, acceptance, no judgment, trust, imperfect, patient, and grateful. What did you come up with?

The relationships that you form with others is important. Think about how much work you put into the relationships that you have. You do the work because it is important to you.

Now sit back, close your eyes, and now I want you to think about the relationship you have with yourself. Think about the characteristics and attributes that describe your relationship.

What words did you come up with? I don’t know about you, but the list I came up with is vastly different than the other list. This list has words like, impatient, selfish, doesn't try hard enough, need to work harder, struggles to stay focused, unmotivated.

What is the relationship with yourself like?

Are you the same kind of friend to yourself that you are to those important people in your life?

I know I’m not.

Do you give yourself the same grace and compassion that you give your friends?

I know I don’t.

I am learning that before you can ever love yourself, you first have to be friends with yourself. You should nurture yourself with the same compassion and kindness that you would shower your friends with.

Self-compassion is when you understand that your worth is unconditional. It doesn't matter what you've done or haven't done; you are worthy.

Rather than harshly judging yourself for your shortcomings, offer yourself warm and unconditional acceptance.

There are so many benefits to practicing self-compassion:

*you are less likely to depend on others to validate your self-worth

*you will experience less anxiety, depression, shame, and fear of failure

*you will experience more happiness, optimism, and overall more life satisfaction

Here are four ways to begin practicing self-compassion:

1. Give yourself permission to be imperfect: You are a human. You are not perfect. Give yourself permission to be flawed, to make mistakes, to not get it right all the time.

2. Practice forgiveness: You are going to make mistakes. Stop punishing yourself for your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself when you are confronted with your shortcomings. Give yourself the same grace and compassion that you give your friends.

3. Growth mindset -vs.- Fixed mindset: Employ a growth mindset. Don't shy away from challenges. Look at those challenges as a way to build your character and resilience, and as opportunities to grow.

4. Practice gratitude: Rather than looking at all the things you’re not- look at all the things that you are. There is so much strength in appreciating who you are right now.

Here is a fun exercise: write yourself a thank you letter for all the great things that you are.

You are worthy. Accept yourself. You are not perfect, and that's okay. You are loved!

What is the relationship with yourself like?

How are you treating that relationship? What are you doing to nurture it?

What does it look like to know yourself?

What does it look like to build a relationship with yourself?

Which one of the four strategies are you going to try today? What does that look like?

The journey to self-compassion is hard. Some days it will take all of your strength to give yourself the same grace and compassion that you give your friends. How do I know this? Because I am living it right now. Who better to help you in your journey than someone who knows first-hand what it feels like. Let me help you make friends with yourself and create a life that means something to you on your terms.

Click here to schedule your FREE call. It could change your life!

For more information and practices for self-compassion check out self-compassion.org.

Make today amazing!


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